(3:48:38 AM) Ashes: I havn't stepped outside of my apartment since Friday.
(4:02:47 AM) Ashes: You were right. I should get a new computer. I'm not going anywhere, I don't need outfits, I'm fooling myself and there's no point to even trying anymore.
(4:26:09 AM) Ashes: I had a shower today. It was my first in 8 days. I just don't usually see the point.
(4:53:32 AM) Ashes: Nine years this March. That's the aniversery of me accomplishing nothing. Nine years of nothing just watching TV and trying to distract myself.
(4:54:23 AM) Ashes: I like having photos of myself, because I can make everything look normal for half a second and capture it. Then I can say 'Hey, look at this' and even I'll believe that what's presented is real.
(4:54:56 AM) Ashes: But it's all bullshit and it's all a waste, it's hopeless and I'm really just sitting in this room wasting time forever and ever.
(4:56:14 AM) Ashes: Because I'm not meant to be anything other than this waste and I can only manage the facade for so long before I'm worn out and just want to crawl back into bed for another week.
(5:10:43 AM) Ashes: I can't sleep, can you tell? And you're asleep but I'm typing all this on and off anyway.
(5:11:32 AM) Ashes: That IRC channel is pretty much my entire existence. Without it, there's next to nothing. I've lain here for two hours tossing and turning as all the rage runs through my head.
(5:12:10 AM) Ashes: I was fine untill Friday, my last breakdown like this was in September, but on Friday you and Collie started going after me and I don't know why.
(5:12:26 AM) Ashes: You say I've been acting like a jerk but I've seen no changes in my behaviour.
(5:13:41 AM) Ashes: I don't notice where all the players are in in L4D, what'st he big deal? I talk about mac an cheese, know why? It's possibly my greatest achivement in five years. Yeah THAT'S my fucking greatest achivement in years.
(5:14:47 AM) Ashes: I did one thing wrong, one. I blurted out that line about Rayne trying to fuck in civ. That was my bad. That ONE thing. Everything else I have no idea what you're talking about.
(5:15:34 AM) Ashes: Yeah Friday night I kicked Collie, actually I was trying to kick all three of you. Apparently if you highlight all three and select ban, only one gets banned. You guys were spamming it was annoying the fuckk out of me. You filled an entire screen with exits and enters
(5:15:41 AM) Ashes: So in response you jumped on me and threatened me.
(5:15:45 AM) Ashes: I left.
(5:15:52 AM) Ashes: You asked me back. Why? You said you were fed up with me.
(5:16:09 AM) Ashes: So you kept at it from there. Monday night and today.
(5:16:25 AM) Ashes: Did it Monday afternoon and wouldn't drop it, 12hrs later I'm still getting shit.
(5:16:30 AM) Ashes: The worst part is, you ignore me.
(5:16:44 AM) Ashes: You'll seemingly happily fight it out in public but when I try to ask in public? You ignore me.
(5:16:53 AM) Ashes: That means you don't care. That's a very quiet but very loud 'fuck you'.
(5:17:11 AM) Ashes: What is it supposed to do but piss me off? You start games and forcefully exclude me.
(5:17:25 AM) Ashes: Even on Skype one of you is giving me the silent treatment.
(5:17:30 AM) Ashes: IT WAS ONE FUCKING LINE ABOUT RAYNE.
(5:17:47 AM) Ashes: Considdering the ammount of stuff you posted afterwards, you more then compensated, and fuck yeah, I started posting more stuff to get back at you.
(5:18:48 AM) Ashes: You started trying to chase me out of the channel on Friday and you got it.
(5:19:05 AM) Ashes: You just give me the finger when I wanted to talk about it.
(5:20:29 AM) Ashes: But I don't deserve that slightest bit of respect do I? I'm just a waste of time and I should be ignored. Because there's no point to anything I'm doing. I don't even know why I'm typing all this. You're supposed to ignire me.
(5:23:47 AM) Ashes: I'm sorry I'm not usually so openly pathetic, maybe if I was you'd actually know something about me.
(5:58:45 AM) Ashes: Name a good IRC proxy?
(6:00:44 AM) Ashes: It is 8am, why am I still awake?
(6:01:07 AM) Ashes: Why wouldn't anyone talk to me?
(6:01:13 AM) Ashes: Not now, I mean before, before friday.
(6:01:41 AM) Ashes: If you all think I changed over the last two months, why didn't someone say something before, in a calm collected manor?
(6:01:58 AM) Ashes: Am I that worthless?
(6:18:55 AM) Ashes: Why does Rayne get an infinate ammount of forgiveness but you just decide to decend upon me?
(6:25:05 AM) Ashes: I REALIZE NO ONE FUCKING CARES ABOUT ME BUT IT STILL FUCKING SUCKS WHEN IT CATCHES UP TO YOU!
(6:26:32 AM) Ashes: WHAT THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET YOU TO TREAT WITH SOME BASIC FUCKING DIGNITY LIKE YOU DO RAYNE.
(6:26:43 AM) Ashes: I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO POINT OUT THAT I WAS WORTHLESS
(6:28:38 AM) Ashes: I don't even like going outside and I havn't in a long time. It's like, going out is some big huge adventure or something, I feel like I'm accomplishing something just because I went to the mall.
(6:29:13 AM) Ashes: I can do an entire day out with friends and at the end? I'm done. I'm spent. I don't want to be with other people anymore. I need a WEEK to decompress from that.
(6:29:15 AM) Ashes: What's wrong with me?
(4:02:47 AM) Ashes: You were right. I should get a new computer. I'm not going anywhere, I don't need outfits, I'm fooling myself and there's no point to even trying anymore.
(4:26:09 AM) Ashes: I had a shower today. It was my first in 8 days. I just don't usually see the point.
(4:53:32 AM) Ashes: Nine years this March. That's the aniversery of me accomplishing nothing. Nine years of nothing just watching TV and trying to distract myself.
(4:54:23 AM) Ashes: I like having photos of myself, because I can make everything look normal for half a second and capture it. Then I can say 'Hey, look at this' and even I'll believe that what's presented is real.
(4:54:56 AM) Ashes: But it's all bullshit and it's all a waste, it's hopeless and I'm really just sitting in this room wasting time forever and ever.
(4:56:14 AM) Ashes: Because I'm not meant to be anything other than this waste and I can only manage the facade for so long before I'm worn out and just want to crawl back into bed for another week.
(5:10:43 AM) Ashes: I can't sleep, can you tell? And you're asleep but I'm typing all this on and off anyway.
(5:11:32 AM) Ashes: That IRC channel is pretty much my entire existence. Without it, there's next to nothing. I've lain here for two hours tossing and turning as all the rage runs through my head.
(5:12:10 AM) Ashes: I was fine untill Friday, my last breakdown like this was in September, but on Friday you and Collie started going after me and I don't know why.
(5:12:26 AM) Ashes: You say I've been acting like a jerk but I've seen no changes in my behaviour.
(5:13:41 AM) Ashes: I don't notice where all the players are in in L4D, what'st he big deal? I talk about mac an cheese, know why? It's possibly my greatest achivement in five years. Yeah THAT'S my fucking greatest achivement in years.
(5:14:47 AM) Ashes: I did one thing wrong, one. I blurted out that line about Rayne trying to fuck in civ. That was my bad. That ONE thing. Everything else I have no idea what you're talking about.
(5:15:34 AM) Ashes: Yeah Friday night I kicked Collie, actually I was trying to kick all three of you. Apparently if you highlight all three and select ban, only one gets banned. You guys were spamming it was annoying the fuckk out of me. You filled an entire screen with exits and enters
(5:15:41 AM) Ashes: So in response you jumped on me and threatened me.
(5:15:45 AM) Ashes: I left.
(5:15:52 AM) Ashes: You asked me back. Why? You said you were fed up with me.
(5:16:09 AM) Ashes: So you kept at it from there. Monday night and today.
(5:16:25 AM) Ashes: Did it Monday afternoon and wouldn't drop it, 12hrs later I'm still getting shit.
(5:16:30 AM) Ashes: The worst part is, you ignore me.
(5:16:44 AM) Ashes: You'll seemingly happily fight it out in public but when I try to ask in public? You ignore me.
(5:16:53 AM) Ashes: That means you don't care. That's a very quiet but very loud 'fuck you'.
(5:17:11 AM) Ashes: What is it supposed to do but piss me off? You start games and forcefully exclude me.
(5:17:25 AM) Ashes: Even on Skype one of you is giving me the silent treatment.
(5:17:30 AM) Ashes: IT WAS ONE FUCKING LINE ABOUT RAYNE.
(5:17:47 AM) Ashes: Considdering the ammount of stuff you posted afterwards, you more then compensated, and fuck yeah, I started posting more stuff to get back at you.
(5:18:48 AM) Ashes: You started trying to chase me out of the channel on Friday and you got it.
(5:19:05 AM) Ashes: You just give me the finger when I wanted to talk about it.
(5:20:29 AM) Ashes: But I don't deserve that slightest bit of respect do I? I'm just a waste of time and I should be ignored. Because there's no point to anything I'm doing. I don't even know why I'm typing all this. You're supposed to ignire me.
(5:23:47 AM) Ashes: I'm sorry I'm not usually so openly pathetic, maybe if I was you'd actually know something about me.
(5:58:45 AM) Ashes: Name a good IRC proxy?
(6:00:44 AM) Ashes: It is 8am, why am I still awake?
(6:01:07 AM) Ashes: Why wouldn't anyone talk to me?
(6:01:13 AM) Ashes: Not now, I mean before, before friday.
(6:01:41 AM) Ashes: If you all think I changed over the last two months, why didn't someone say something before, in a calm collected manor?
(6:01:58 AM) Ashes: Am I that worthless?
(6:18:55 AM) Ashes: Why does Rayne get an infinate ammount of forgiveness but you just decide to decend upon me?
(6:25:05 AM) Ashes: I REALIZE NO ONE FUCKING CARES ABOUT ME BUT IT STILL FUCKING SUCKS WHEN IT CATCHES UP TO YOU!
(6:26:32 AM) Ashes: WHAT THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET YOU TO TREAT WITH SOME BASIC FUCKING DIGNITY LIKE YOU DO RAYNE.
(6:26:43 AM) Ashes: I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO POINT OUT THAT I WAS WORTHLESS
(6:28:38 AM) Ashes: I don't even like going outside and I havn't in a long time. It's like, going out is some big huge adventure or something, I feel like I'm accomplishing something just because I went to the mall.
(6:29:13 AM) Ashes: I can do an entire day out with friends and at the end? I'm done. I'm spent. I don't want to be with other people anymore. I need a WEEK to decompress from that.
(6:29:15 AM) Ashes: What's wrong with me?